Date:	95-12-06 08:28:01 EST

Standard Disclaimer:  Render unto Caesar that which. . .opps,
sorry, wrong disclaimer.  No copyright infringement intended. 
Scully, Mulder, Skinner belong to 10-13 Productions.  Jennifer,
Tim, Angie, all belong to me.  I don't know who owns *I.Q.*, but it
was a really cute movie and I loved it, so I don't want to tick them
off, either.  I don't really care if I tick off the people who wrote
*Species* and I wasn't that impressed with *First Knight*, either.

Second Standard Disclaimer:  If you belong to EMXC, you should
have received this from SciNut.  If not, we vant to know VHERE
you godd it--godd it?

Rated PG, very tame, no Third Season give aways.  Time is set
after the episode I can't spell about the outbreak of infectious
disease in the prison by that creepy pharmaceutical company.  And
yes, there is a Part Two.

LOVE LIFE PART ONE:  MULDER'S LESS THAT
EXCELLENT ADVENTURES
by Vickie Moseley
vickiemoseley1978@yahoo.com

Dana Scully's Apartment
Sunday  6:45 pm

     Popcorn and root beer firmly grasped in each hand, Dana Scully
fumbled with the remote control and managed somehow to hit the
"play" button.  Suddenly, the movie *I.Q.* filled the 27 inch screen
in front of her and she snuggled down into her couch.  She had
wanted to see this movie the minute she saw the previews.  Of
course, that was about 8 cases and 2 quarantines ago and she had
missed it's run at the theaters, including the $1.50 show,
completely.  <If it weren't for videos, I'd never get to see
*anything*> she thought sourly.  She had just had her first good
belly laugh of the show when there was a loud knock at her door. 
Damn it.
     She hit the pause button, relinquished the snacks to her coffee
table and went to answer the door.  Peeking through the keyhole,
she saw her partner's very familiar profile.  <What the hell does he
want now?  I'll see him in 14 hours,> she wondered, but opened the
door and gave him a smile.  "Hey.  What's up?" she asked, trying to
put more enthusiasm in her voice than she felt.  It wasn't that she
didn't want to have Mulder drop by, but she wanted to see this
movie more and she knew he would hate it.  It was a chick movie in
his best locker room jargon.  Date material only.
     "I noticed Tim's car wasn't in the driveway and I thought you
wouldn't mind if I stopped by," he mumbled, still standing on the
door step.
     "Mulder, get the hell in the house before we heat all of
Bethesda.  Now, what's the matter and why couldn't it wait until
tomorrow?" she asked as she pulled him into the foyer.  He
followed her into the living room and slouched down in the
armchair.
     "What're you watching?" he asked, ignoring her inquiries.
     "*I.Q.*"
     "Chick movie," he dismissed it and then looked up guiltily to see
her scowl.  "Sorry, it just slipped out," he apologized.  "Go ahead,
start it up."
     "Are you sure, Mulder?  You look like you want to talk," she
hesitated to turn on the movie.  She could see where this was
heading and was very glad she had rented the movie for two nights
and not just one.
     "Nah, I mean it.  Start it up.  I might learn something," he said
cryptically.
     He reached over and pulled  out a big handful of popcorn and
actually seemed to be watching the movie.  Suddenly, out of
nowhere he announced, "I blew it with Jennifer."
     Scully tried to hide her frown as she hit the stop button.  The
Discovery Channel blared from the set.  She hit *mute* and looked
at him.  "What happened?" she asked in her best investigator's
voice.
     "I did everything just as you instructed," he said indignantly.  
     "Everything, Mulder?  Come on, you must have screwed up
somewhere.  That was an absolutely foolproof plan," Scully shot
back, totally sure of herself.  They had just spent the last two weeks
in quarantine and most of it talking about their total lack of a sex
life.  That had led to what Mulder referred to as "Little Girl Lessons
and Little Boy Lessons".  LGL was Scully telling him what was on in
the mind of a woman and how to use that to his advantage
(although she did leave out enough good stuff to not be considered
a total traitor to her sex) and LBL was Mulder instructing Scully on
where she was messing up with the men in her life.  The lessons had
managed to pass the time, and both were anxious to try out the new
found skills upon their return to 'the land of the living'.
     "Tell me the entire story.  Leave nothing out."
     "Nothing?" he asked, mischief dancing in his eyes.
     "OK, give me the PG-13 version, but leave none of the pertinent
details out," she answered.
     "I picked her up at her place and we went to a movie," he
started.
     "Which movie, not *Species*, I hope."
     "No!  Not *Species*.  *First Knight*," he declared proudly.
     "A *chick* movie?  Gosh, I am impressed!  How was it?"
     "Like you said, a chick movie, except a particularly gratuitous
wet tee shirt shot in the waterfall scene which made it worth the
$15 bucks.  But other than that, too much Richard Gere and Sean
Connery angst for me.  She loved it, of course.  Blubbered like a
baby.  I gave her my handkerchief."
     "A tissue or a real handkerchief?"
     "REAL, linen, monogrammed.  And I didn't flinch when she
handed it back to me soaking wet.  I stuck it in my jacket pocket. 
My cleaners can deal with it."
     "You learn fast, Mulder.  So far so good.  Where next?"
     "Dinner at the little seafood place on the Potomac."
     "Good, good.  No garlic, I hope," she added.
     "Heaven forbid!  I got the seafood platter and skipped the
crab cakes for the onion.  Very bland, I swear."
     "Good job.  How much wine?" she asked suspiciously, sure he
had messed it up there.
     "One Frigging glass, Scully!  I could have taken a breathalyzer
with dinner.  No problem."
     "OK, Mulder, unless you're skipping some incredibly bad jokes
or feminine slurs, I don't see where you deviated from the plan.  So
how did you blow it?"
     "I took her home," he replied flatly.
     "Good plan.  Refusing to take her home does qualify as
kidnapping in some states, Mulder.  I'm sure Maryland and Virginia
both have it in the statutes," she said derisively.  He gave her a
mock laugh in return.  "Sorry," she apologized quickly.  "So how
does taking her home get you in trouble?" she asked, then a look of
realization came to her face.  "Don't tell me you stayed. . ."
     "OK, I won't tell you, but the story gets real short real fast that
way," he answered.
     "Mulder, I thought we talked about this!  I thought you
understood.  I thought you wanted Jennifer to be more than a 'one
night stand' and you were going to take it s-l-o-w, for once in your
life.  What happened?"
     "She asked me in. . ." he replied.
     Scully threw up her hands.  "Well, then, that explains
everything!"
     "No, really, Scully!  I had no intention of staying the night.  I
swear.  It's just that, well, we went from the door to the couch to
the bedroom. . ."
     "PG-13, Mulder, remember," Scully interrupted.
     He flashed her a scowl.  "I wasn't going to elaborate, Agent
Scully.  Anyway, I fell asleep."  She shot him a questioning stare. 
"No, _after_ 'that', I fell asleep."
     "Mulder, I have to tell you again, I think this step was too soon,
but quite frankly, women like it when men stick around long
enough 'after' TO fall asleep.  It shows they aren't just interested in
one thing, even though from what you've told me, they really are." 
Again he greeted her comment with a scowl.
     "The sleeping was fine, Scully.  It was the dreaming that got me
in trouble," he said tersely and got up from his seat to pace the
room.  He didn't really like talking about this part.  He never liked
to discuss his nightmares, even now, even after all their time
together.
     "You had a nightmare," she stated the obvious.
     "Humdinger, I guess.  I don't really remember all of it, like
always.  But Jennifer did.  Did I tell you she has an eidetic memory,
too?" he added, sarcastically.  "She remembered every word,
verbatim.  Of course, I only have her word for it, but hey, who am I
to question, right?"  He was pacing like a caged animal and his
voice was even starting to growl.
     Scully sighed.  She hated seeing him like this.  It was so unfair
of some women to see his nightmares as some sign of inner
weakness.  If they had any idea what he had gone through in his
life, the dangers he faced every single day and his strength in the
face of those dangers. . .  She had more respect for him just for
getting up in the morning than she had for many people who
claimed to lead dangerous lives.  Like a certain Secret Service agent
she could mention. . . But this was Mulder's night, she'd have her
night later.
     "Mulder, forget her.  If she got freaked over you having
nightmares and calling for your sister, she wasn't much of a catch in
the first place.  Just pick yourself up and get back on that horse. 
You'll find the right one, someday."  She gave him her best smile.
     "Nice pep talk, Scully, but you aren't getting off the hook that
easy.  See, I didn't call out for Samantha.  I called out for you!  And
that was the straw that broke the camels back.  Jenn said she could
have handled somebody calling for his sister, but calling for his
partner--his partner of the *opposite sex*--was more than any
woman had to put up with.  And she threw me out of the
apartment.  So see, it was more your fault that it was mine!"  The
way he was glaring at her made her think he actually believed that.
     "Mulder!" Scully cried out.  "What in God's name were you
doing calling for me?  Especially on a *date*!"
     "Damned if I know.  Maybe spending two weeks in quarantine
might have something to do with it.  Hell, I don't know.  I know
that I have remembered bits and pieces of nightmares where I'm still
looking for you, after you were abducted.  And sometimes, I wake
up and it feels like I'm still sitting by your hospital bed, hoping you
won't die on me.  But the fact remains, Scully, that you are
personally responsible for screwing up my love life and I'm a little
tired of it!  So tell me how to get you to cut it out!" he had raised
his voice at the start of the tirade but he was just short of pleading
with her now.
     "Mulder, calm down and listen to yourself.  Where did you get
that psychology degree?  Sears Correspondence School?  How can
_I_ screw up your love life when _you_ are the one having dreams
of _me_?  Sounds like you are screwing it up all by yourself."  She
had her arms folded on her chest and was matching his glare. "Don't
try to blame this one on me, Casanova!"
     All the anger drained out of his face and he just looked helpless. 
He sat down hard on the couch next to her and put his head in his
hands.  "You're right, of course.  God, Scully, I am one sick puppy! 
I'm doomed to be a bachelor for the rest of my life.  I am so messed
up no sane woman would ever want a relationship with me.  I'm
going to grow old and lonely, with no one.  Will you at least visit
me in the nursing home?" he asked sadly.
     "Mulder, you are not sick, and you are not doomed.  At this
point in your life, your search is more important than settling down. 
When that changes, and I'm sure it will at some point, you will find
a wonderful woman who will be so blindly in love with you she will
see only your good points.  Then you will have a slew of kids with
her.  For now, don't push it.  It's not the right time for you.  'To
everything there is a season. . .'"
     ". . .and a time to every purpose', yeah, Scully, I liked the Byrds,
too.  But maybe you're right.  It's just not the right time.  I just hope
I'm still breathing when it is," he added with a rueful smile.
     "You will be.  Just be glad you don't have a giant biological
clock ticking in your head.  You can have kids when you're 80.  I'm
not so lucky," she gloomed back.
     "Ah, but Scully, you are much more stable than I am.  You'll
come to your senses before you're forty.  And there will still be
plenty of time, then," he said, smiling fondly at his partner.  "I can't
wait to see your kids.  I bet they'll be little devils and cuter than
bugs!"
     She favored him with another big smile.  "Back at you.  Hey, all
this emoting has me hungry.  Want to grab a pizza?  I'll buy."  She
got up and pulled him to his feet.
     "So, Scully, how did you get so smart on all this psychology
stuff?  You used to hate it when I'd analyze you and now you're
pretty darn good at it yourself."
     "I hang around with a psych major.  He's starting to rub off on
me."
     "I hear that's bad for your mental health," he grinned.
     "Tell me about it," she said, closing and locking her door.
     "Where is Tim, by the way?  I figured he'd be here," Mulder
asked, trying not to pry, but wanting to anyway.
     "Mulder, we need a whole 'nother night for that one."

To hear Scully's sad story, see Love Life Part Two:  Scully's
Misadventures in Romance.